feelinglikethebottomlesspit

it gets so lonely at night...:( i juz cant get the bad thoughts and sad thoughts out of my head much as i want to.fuck.n ive been clamming myself up at home for the past week or more.

sCRaPboOkinG for dad

ok.ive laid out all my scrapbooking materials tt i bought n gathered on my bed.but...i hav no motivation to do it.=x thres this pro scrapbking shop at PS called madewithlove tt has lots of v cool stuff.n the scrapbks they make r like so gorgeous.but the price they charge 4 their pdts r exorbitant.totally a rip off.all i cld afford was paper.-_- i guess i will juz kp mine v simple.my creative juices hav ran out.n all i did was the front cover of the book.

results gonna be out tis fri in the aftn.comfirm plus chop alrdy.so yea.ill hafta face the verdict. everyone's pretty hyped up over the DAY.same for me.or maybe worse.i noe myself pretty well.argh.shall not dwell on it.dang.=((((((((

MiNgY =)

finally got to see mingy after so long.haha.didnt intend to meet.juz so happened we both wanted to go to the healthsciences exibition thingy at suntec.yinhong left the moment i came.=x i guess the nxt time we all meet is when collecting the darn results on fri.hiaz.cant help but to think of it 24/7.almost la.dang.anw, healthsciences is really a promising course to take.juz tt we both dun like the idea of studying at nyp for 3 yrs 1st.rather study in aust to get the degree.its a pity NUS will only start offering it in 2009.=(

updatesss

coached 4 ladies at clementi swimming complex today.they totally cant swim so gotta start frm the basics.one was so scared tt she kept clinging to the pool edge.i tink its juz a psychological barrier la.i believe everyone can learn to swim no matter wad.=) its nice to be encouraging n teaching ppl.nd 2 hav alot of patience though.all in all,i din screwup.phew.no freak accidents wadsoever. on the downside, xavier had 2 be there.its juz my bad luck.i din even noe he will be there.i dun like the way he does things.really irritating.n pls.i dun nd sumone 2 send me home.its only 9plus pm.n stop talking so big.

had dinner at one fullerton at palmbeach seafood.supposed to be reunion dinner for all my mums's sisters n their families.luckily it wasnt raining since we were sitting out in the open.=x thres no toilet in the restaurant.nearest one was at Flo bar.so ridiculous la.had 2 bring my old grandma into a pub.so embarassing.thanks...glad tt my mum had a great time with her sisters.=) n great food too.starbucks offered free mini cups of caramel frappachino.my favourite.=)) my lucky day.

Chinese new year !

ohno.its gonna erupt.haha.

ALE-phants.=)

the room we slept in.slept on the hard floor in slping bags.=x

the 2 lane bowling alley...i got a strike ok!

looking at the tennis ball tt went to outerspace...

since cant go visiting.we stayed over at savannah park instead.played tennis,swam,bowl play board games n dumb card games with my cousins.though i dint hav the mood 2 do such stuff at 1st, i guess it was better in the end 2 occupy myself with smtg.at least its better then visiting...

chinese new year eve =)

Reunion dinner at my uncle's house was simple fare of steamboat n teppanyaki but nonetheless satisfying due to the company of family.=) the goldfish thingy above is actually "ha-gao" or wadeva they call it.n the cute stars r actually fishcakes with seaweed for eyes.thanks.the novelty of it all. made everyone so amused.surprisingly, they tasted as gd as they look.=)

My closest cousin, Eugene and I. We were so bored of tryin ta finish up the remnants of the steamboat stuff.He tried many futile attempts to teach me how to play "three doors down" on guitar.haha.guess im so totally not musically-inclined.=( Everyone in my Dad's side knows how to play at least the piano plus another instrument.damn.n they all start on the electric guitars with sound boosters in tow after dinner.its a wonder neighbors didnt complain...

updating...

ok.as promised 2 myself,i will update my blog.there's so much tt has happened tt i juz din feel like talking n stuff.everything's so sudden.so yea.sorry to all my close friends cause i didnt let u all noe tt my Dad passed away...i juz wanted 2 be alone during the grieving period.still,some ppl found out of their own accord n came.bt im nt angry la.in fact the contrary.haha.But anw, I've sorted out my feelings n gotten over it somewhat.life goes on no matter wad.lots of stuff to settle still.thru this time,ive learnt stuff abt the family n esp dad tt i nv knew b4 or more like was ignorant abt la.ironically,its times like this tt the family can become closer n more bonded.

Dad's in heaven and safely in God's arms now.He has fought the good fight,ran the gd race n kept the gd faith n im happy tt he's w/o suffering anymore.Really appreciate wad Pastor See n Mrs See has done for Dad n us.and thanks to relatives,NP colleagues n friends for all their support n help.its in times like this tt u know who really truly cares for u.so i tell myself to treasure these ppl n nt let them down.

its great tt we have many wonderful memories of Dad to cherish.but even better 2 noe tt he was a great man.His colleagues said although hes gone,he's left behind a legacy they will nv forget.They noe him as a kind superior who will take them out for lunches.Army friends know him as the camp commandant who will carry the weaker guys.Friends turn 2 him for any problems whatsover.As for the cultural society tt he joined despite my extreme displeasure, he will alwaz b remembered as a gd leader 2 his grp,motivating n inspiring them despite his sickness. Actually, i felt tt he spent so much time maintaining his social network circle outside. He cld have spent more time with us.=( But i noe he loves us alot la.i have alrdy forgave him despite being damn angry at first.He did try his best in communicating with us n stuff n i guess tts all tt matters now.

23 Feb 07

have not updated this blog for ages.....=(

so much stuff has happened.gonna pdate it soon....

ive decided 2 cancel all my activities n plans of 2day wif no part reason cept tt i juz dont feel like doin nothin.i noe this is wrong bt i juz hav no mood 2 do anything 2day.=( i act almost got in the train to go 4 trg 2day only 2 decide on the spot tt ill juz walk back home.feeling pretty wasted now.grrh.omg.was gg 2 start dialling leeting's number when she msged me "can call me".n tis happens quite a few times.haha.we r telepathic.u noe when i feel like shit.or maybe coz u oso feel shitty.nah.kiddin.sorry din accompany u to reds.say gdbye to the merlion club.=p

anw,ytr was my 1st day of work at primetrica.got this job thru chunshu.quite surprised 2 see tt the telemarketing team there is so young.all the girls left 2 take o level results.n i was left with wx n 3 other guys.the guys are all 21 if im not wrong.the tk girls seem v interested 2 talk to wx.thx.all becoz he mentioned his basketball youth team n word got round.thanks.i tink the guys r nicer n easier to talk to.maybe coz we all have more common topics.n we juz realized tt they only worked there for 4 days so far bt they seem so into the job alrdy.i guess telemkting is a job tt can be picked up v fast.so far it was pretty ok coz i got 2 successful calls.bt tts sheer luck i guess.tis job mite potentially be stressful.if i dont like it,ill quit.but for now,i guess its alrite then.oh n i guess we r damn happy 2 find out tt attire is rather casual.

get well soon.dont pull something liddat again.juz b comfortable with urself.isnt tt what u alwaz tell me.dont get obsessed. dont make me worry.i dont wanna lose a friend juz like tt.u r ok the way u r so dont tink otherwise.in fact u r so fit.so i dun understand y u r doin this.maybe i dont understand u at all.u got to help urself or else no one will or can.sometimes trying too hard will juz make u feel so empty.if u can get urself into this,u can pull urself out of it.who cares abt wad others think.

8 Feb 07

As usual, my post is way outdated...didnt rly felt like posting the pics.bt here they r still.went shopping and lunch with haitun.ate at ichiban boshi.dang.im like addicted to jap food la.but ichiban boshi is great la.service-wise n food-wise.didnt really shop much.i dont buy things i dont need anymore.or maybe juz wasnt really in the mood la.buying clothes dun make me feel happy or anythin.prob wun b gg out on 14th wif the jc frens.celebrating sis's bdae.neither will mingy. duno when we can meet again.prolly taking of results.

Sentosa on 3 feb =)

although this is rather outdated,ahem.only found time to post 2dae.thx celest 4 telling me abt picassa.ha.im a noob u see.=p HAHA Joyce! we set u up, n came as a SURPRISE! The so sweet boyfriend managed 2 contact ur frens frm diff places.haha.bet u totally din expect this rite. hope u enjoyed urself thoroughly.i tink we had a great time oso.apart from having cake smeared over faces...the guys really got so wild and so adamant at getting cake on everyone.thanks.really so shag after tt,legs were really so damn tired...

HAPPY BDAY MY DEAR JOYCEY!!! =D

my dear.u r 19th! the 1st among all of us.take care babe! =) have a blast tmr k? sure the guys will have somethin nice 4 ya.and dun be sad k.love ya.cya soon.

EMO-ing.again.

those who really count are those who r there for the company.
those who probably/maybe dont are those who r there juz for the occasion.
lifes realistic. just like that.=(
feel pretty sad at times.but life goes on.
hiaz.feeling so quite down again today.been emo-ing alot.
alot and alot.hiaz.
i constantly try 2 tell myself nt to expect too much.becoz it aint worth it.
tis is the way it is.accept it.just goddamn accept it.
bye.

lunch at soup spoon =)

todays the last day of my work.i din noe the contract ended so fast.damn.its act end of the mth.not 2 weeks.had lunch at soupspoon rafflesplace with tun since she ended work alrdy.

the food was quite nice but rather filling.lol.anw,i guess its a very very small world! guess who i met in my office? Weixiang frm mj,melanies bf..i didnt recognize him at 1st until he asked if im frm mj.haha.too bad i gotta leave today.if he were here earlier, i wouldnt have been so damn bored. i tink hes gonna get fired v soon coz we kept talking n im sure the manager isnt blind.time was easier to pass tt way.but who cares,its my laz day! summore hes only workin there for 3 days..

im gonna rest this week and prob get another job soon.=) Xavier got me a job at panpacific publishing to do zaoju, maths qns..u noe the likes.was contemplating if i shd take the job n realized tt i shldnt spoil the spore education system by giving inadequate ans to books.not like my chinese is damn pro.haha.then shannen asked if i wana work wif her at IRAS.i was thinkin tts not bad but its customer service which involves mainly answering calls.hmmm.i shall tink about it.=)

Kuku island =p

after looking around town for joyceys present 4 like 3 hrs,we were pretty bored waiting 4 nian coz she has to give tuition n have her beauty sleep.we were thru with waiting.haha.so we decided 2 go on a little adventure.wanted 2 go Haji lane.but then,nt sure how.n den Kusu island.lol.but we missed the laz ferry.dang.and so...we decided to trick nian tt we r at kusu island n ask her to hurry up come meet us.=p

only prob is tt she heard "kuku island" so she immed assumed we were talking a whole load of crap n refused 2 believe our story.sentosa was deadquiet.beaches almost empty cept 4 a few souls.n to think its a sat.muz be the rain.we muz be mad 2 go sentosa.totally not dressed or anythin.in jeans n umbrella toting.lol.turns out we had a great time nonetheless despite the incessant drizzle.the new sentosa express is pretty cool.rly increases accesability.cafe del mar having grandopening tt day.really wanna go there.its a bar cum cafe open 24 hrs on wkends n up till 1 on wkdays.=) we even managed to play the luge.lol.no queue at all.haha.

chionged back town to meet nian n get present.finally.damn scared the shops close.but shdnt be la.when we walked back frm palawan beach back to the trainstation,it was vvvvv deserted.n a lorry full of bhangras kept staring at us.ting got worried coz nv noe wad they mite do.lol.they wun dare do anythin one la.but i admit it was scary...thank god we decided 2 walk thru the huge carpark instead coz its lighted n safer.phew.ate at wisma after tt.phew.what i day.i tink we muz be mad 2 decide to go sentosa outta the blue. but we decided we shd have more "adventure trips" 2 weird places...

ichibansushi

yes nian.i posted tis photo of
me a glutton.so dun complain. rocksolid mango sorbet.><

what were we lookin at??
photos frm 2wks ago at ichiban wisma.kept trying to put photos in a collage.but 2 no avail after 1wk.i give up...anyone noes? we were v pretty tired.resulting in the not-so-pretty-n-not-glam photos...lol.n we discovered tt mangosorbet is a gd item to order if u r on a 1st date.coz its so hard to eat tt it creates a whole conversation topic by itself...ok.im spastic.=/ wanted 2 order better desserts but everythin juz ranout at nite.bleargh.

30 jan 2007

i admit.ive been n ass/jerk wadeva recently.throwing tempers and getting so irritable recently.=( sorry for upsetting anyone thru misunderstandings,impatience n what nots...alot of things going thru my mind recently n its driving me mad.the whole doesnt revolve around me anyway.i guess its up to myself to not let my feelings get to my head.i dunno why i let myself get so affected easily.dang.dumb on my part.thx to those who put up with me recently.not doing anythin but juz listening despite me being mean at times.sorry sorry.i will control myself nxt time.i promise.=(

arghh.freaking pissed with my sis today.she took my thumb drive n lent it to her friend w/o even telling me.wtf.i was close to tears trying to find the damn thing.it means alot to me since all my photos and songs are inside.and wad if the dumbass friend decided to delete off my stuff.damnit la.so irritating and irresponsible.i juz went into a rage when i found out she took it. so damn freaking pissed..=(
anw,i agree with val abt the expenses thingy.feel kinda bad taking my parents money too since im capable of earning money myself.maybe take juz abit la hor.like u take for transport.=p speaking of transport,argh.it is horrible. at least not waste money extravagantly la since u r not earning it.muz really learn how to appreciate money and stuff.prepare urself 4 the real world.we're gonna be adults soon, or more like young adults alrdy n hence muz start acting like one...gonna post some photos tmr or sum time soon.=))) although they have been rather outdated.
ohyea,i cant believe tt SOME PPL can actually lose their earring TWICE at TOPSHOP and still manage to get it back each time.hahaha.muz really start believing in miracles.lol.Thank God its found lest we will buy another 1 to cheer u up.

it ends tonight

Your subtleties
They strangle me
I can’t explain myself at all.
And all the wants
And all the needs
All I don’t want to need at all.

The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it’s best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can’t explain what you can’t explain.
You're finding things that you didn’t know
I look at you with such disdain

The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it’s best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this eveningI give the final blow.

[Chorus]
When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Now I’m on my own side
It’s better than being on your side
It’s my fault when you're blind
It’s better that I see it through your eyes

All these thoughts locked inside
Now you’re the first to know

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends when darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Tonight, Insight
When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight.

jc days

and not forgetting the jc clique.in j1,we were the infamous 6 pokes.(cldnt get minmin's photo.=s)notorious in sch for being perpetually late n other reasons.haha.dunno y we became close as a clique in da1st place.fate la.haha.maybe coz we were all in sports ccas.lol.cant rmb.n then we had 2 split coz of change of classes in j2.=( we were devastated initially.but soon got used 2 the idea n we went diff ways.still talk n eat occasionally,bt the feeling is diff i guess. n then its down 2 the 3 of us in da same claz.we got even closer n almost spent the entire yr 2 together.so much so tt the guys in our claz kept calling us the powerpuff girls n teasing us abt it.lol.hiaz.good old times tt we can never relive again.=((( dunno 2 feel sad tt we drifted apart or feel happy tt we shared some gd times 2gether...

Random memories

was juz thinkin of the past juz now.how time flies.and how we've changed.matured.bcame closer.really miss the past 2 yrs in jc.and prob the yrs in sec sch more.its ironical how we seem 2 b able 2 meet up when we were schooling bt we meet up so seldom now we r out of sch.=( really hope we dont ever drift apart...u gurls rawk.thanks for all the wonderful times 2gether.lol.i am sounding so crappy and stuff...managed 2 salvage all these photos frm my hp.haha.random pics frm most recent n then backwards in time.